Let's Talk Series: What is Self-Understanding with Sandra Salesas?

As we are approaching the end of the year, a post full blown COVID one, we are often drawn to question our year, our actions, joys and our disappointments too.

Whether you are in a dissatisfied relationship, lost a job, had a baby, are changing careers or any other major experience(s), we often revisit these moments to understand, evolve and reach a resolution.

What is self-understanding?

Self-understanding is your ability to understand who you are and what brought you to who you are. It is intertwined with self-concept and self-esteem. As you better understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you comprehend the reasoning behind your behaviors, your motivations to act in a certain way which may or may not be productive. As individuals work on their pattern of behaving, the consequences of their actions, they are also learning about themselves, their identity. Introspection is the key to growth and change. In the latest Harvard Business Review (2022), the 4 self-awareness archetypes (learning about yourself and others):

The Introspectors are clear on who they are but don’t challenge their own views. Relationships may have limited successes. The Seekers don’t yet know who they are, what they stand for and therefore, they are often stuck or frustrated with their relationships. The Aware have the awareness to understand themselves, their goals and seek others for opinions. They are leaders in charge of their growth! The Pleasers tend to seek outwards, and they adapt more to others’ needs than to their own. The last two types of archetypes are internally more self-aware than the first 2 types who seek more external awareness for validation. A balance of both is required to be self-regulated and self-guided towards a healthy self-esteem and life planning.

Introspection is not necessarily the answer to greater self-understanding. There is a big gap between people who think that they are self-aware but are actually not. We do not have access to all our motivations and unconscious patterns of behavior. It is simply a question of asking “Why” but exploring the variables associated with a decision, a reaction, an understanding. Asking yourself “What” can be powerful in revealing an underlying motivation to succeed in a particular job situation. This is the exciting part; knowledge of oneself, background, past actions are more concrete than tapping inside the “Why” I spontaneously screamed or avoided a person.

In conclusion, gaining knowledge through journaling, therapy, identifying faulty behavior patterns or recognizing great moments, or meaningful understandings can enhance one’s quality of interactions and hence, life.

Happy Holidays to our Heart2Heart readers!

Sandra Salesas, M.Ed.

Therapist/Counsellor, private practitioner

Montreal

sandysalesas@gmail.com